Hey Terra (I know one of your underlings will pass this along to you),

Would this be a good time to say, I told you so? That's four thus far, bitch. And there's more to come throughout the year. This will be the event that keeps on giving.

To all my AZ LJ users and lurkers (I'm leaving this public), I am now officially out of the job and as such have no where to report to Friday morning...so let's get a Watchmen midnight showing group together!

Steph and I already plan on leaving straight from class Thursday night to go meet whoever wants to go.

Shea/Paul/Jake: I was thinking we would meet on your side of town, and give rides to whoever needed it. Are you guys up for this?

To all my non-AZ LJ users: Anyone else got Watchmen oriented plans for this weekend?! *Is so excited, since the good reviews started rolling in*

Don't let the door hit your fucking ass on the way out you cocksucker,

Signed The American People.

I just wanted to preface this letter with an offer to repeat this letter, its contents, intent, or additional information over the phone since it would be difficult to do so in person. I have always believed that a friend is owed that much. Also, I feel that what follows needs a proper preface, so let me borrow one from your book.

"I don't mean to chastise, or to make you feel [bad], please know that that is not my intent with this; but I will not lie about how I feel, or have felt."

I'm a liar. I know, big surprise huh? Me telling people what they want to hear? I wouldn't believe it if I didn't do it so much, and so well. My intent is usually not to harm the person, it's usually the opposite; to spare them my real unfiltered feelings. Why? Because deep down inside I am a very vicious person who is quick to judgment. We all have our flaws I suppose. Mine is this god-damned sense of righteousness.

Anyhow, I've lied to you for a while now. I do in fact have a side in this battle between friends, but I've been keeping my mouth shut because I figured let it blow over and eventually the status quo will go back. But I don't want it to. Not this time.

Let me start at the beginning. I have always made my opinion known, right up to your last days in Colorado that your friendship with Terra and the gang was pretty much over. There was lingering bad feelings that were not being solved, only getting worse, and you were moving. And whether you want to acknowledge it or not, you moved, and yeah, it is your responsibility to keep up the friendship if you want it that bad. Afterall, our lives were gonna continue and we still had easy access to each other, which I believe is a cornerstone of friendships.

Also, I asked you repeatedly if you were moving for the right reasons. And you said that you weren't running, you were going for the opportunity of a lifetime. And again, I pestered you to fix your issues before you left because you would take them with you. And I commend you for your impressive physical makeover, no one in this group, or any I've been in (save for my roommate) has ever had the willpower to see it through and keep it up. But unfortunately you stopped there. You didn't try to mend the one thing that has to be mended for you to have a healthy life. Your self-esteem.

Sonya, you will argue this one with me, but I'll say it anyways. In the two or so years you have been in San Francisco, I have heard more about your hang ups with Terra, Julia, and Bev than any interactions with new friends or love interestes. And I suspect that is because you are doing the same thing there, that you did in Colorado. You aren't letting people in, you aren't being honest with yourself, and your generally mopey attitude is yet again pushing people away.

Have you ever stopped to wonder why you are lonely in yet another city? Why you are failing to make connections again? I think you placed the blame on others while in Colorado, and for awhile I was willing to go along with that assesment. Until I realized you are back where you started. The problem is you. And that is not to say you are a terrible person. But there are some changes you might have to make in order to make meaningful new friendships. And you haven't.

With all that said, let me get to my point. I don't think there is a way to fix what you may have had with the girls, and I am certainly not going to sit around and allow you to continue to muck up friendships that, quite frankly, I do more than enough to sabatoge myself.

I understand if you feel betrayed, but I am going to be a selfish shit here.

I think all of you have entered into a cycle in which hurt feelings and wanting to get back at one another is all your gonna accomplish. And when you are a person in the middle, you will eventually get dragged in. So I think it's time to cut some losses and fortify my base if you will.

I think you need to exit our lives, for everyone's benefit.

1.) I think that you may be withdrawing from entertaining a rich and full new life in San Francisco because you still have ties to us, and its comfort inhibits the actions you would take if you HAD to start anew. As it stands now, I don't think you view SF as your home.

2.) I also believe that the healing process for the group, especially Beverly can't begin unless you are out of the picture completely. Otherwise it's just a wound that will continue to be reopened. And like you, she can't move on if there's still hope.

3.) I think in your want to reconnect, or even hurt them back, you will eventually get involved in my business (ie. My connection with the girls, which is still mending and Studio FaeX) and then I'm going to have to (figuratively speaking) slit your fucking throat.

See this isn't me being vicious, it's just a pre-emptive measure because I know where this will end up. And I won't allow it. And because you are always bugging me about "rankings", yes, that totally played a part in this.

I liked you a lot at one point. Like would've dated you alot. And this was before you had your little makeover, by the way. Way before. I enjoyed our conversations, your wit, your intelligence. Basically, I did value our friendship. And I still could.

But I won't. Yes, Terra, Beverly, and Julia are more important to me than you, or anyone else could possibly know. And if that means having to hurt you to protect that, then so be it. I cared for you, but not like them.

Unfortunately, you are the sacrificial goat. I make no bones about that fact. It isn't fair. But it's life.

And to even underline this even more. I haven't spoken to them on this issue. I have pretty much sat back and collected my thoughts and watched how this all played out.

This is me taking a stance, without consult, and without any type of group approval. For all I know, you'll end up being their friend again, and we won't, but hey shit happens. Unlike you, I can rebound quick and adjust to my surroundings. My whole life is based around that. So come what may, I will respond accordingly.

But I do hope that when some of our friends read this they will agree with my sentiments. It's over. Allow the healing to begin.

I'll spare the specifics of why it came to this, because those are personal conversations and observations, but if you need them, I'll tell you why.

Otherwise, if we never speak again, I do wish you a full life filled with love. You need it, kiddo. But in order to find that, you can't allow your original circumstances to dictate how you live life. You need to take power over your past and convert it to sometype of emotion or energy to propel yourself forward.

Goodluck, and Goodbye.

Time for a fake news post.


THE CATERDENT IS DEAD. LONG LIVE THE CATERDENT!

December 3, 2008
Glendale, Arizona

by Alex Pescador


Tragedy struck today as the 1st Caterdent of Pescadoria, Dr. Bartholemeu Kinks III, succumbed to a bladder infection early Wednesday morning. The Cabinet of Cats (no, not the Cabinet of government members but rather an actual cabinet of cats) rushed to swear in the now former Vice-Caterdent, Mxyzptlk, to ensure a continued peaceful and stable way of lives for all of those in Pescadoria.

The newly sworn in Madame Caterdent made a brief statement wishing well the family Caterdent Kinks left behind and promising a bold new initiative starting with the expansion of Caterday to all other days of the week, and the introduction of wet food program for the continued health of all Cats in Pescadoria.

Also ascending in rank was former Speaker of the Cats, Patrick Boots the Spirit Mahoulihan, and newly minted Vice-Caterdent, leaving the question as to who will fill the newly vacated spot in light of there being no other qualified cats in Pescadoria.

A quick Session of the Cats followed by a meeting with the United Humans Organization took place where-in it was decided that in light of the choices, the mangy cats living on the lawn or the Dog-in-Chief, Rusty 2, that inviting a dog into the Cabinet appeared to be the lesser of two evils.

The move has some drawing comparisons to the United States recent election of Barack Obama to the Presidency, in that many never thought they'd see an animal in either House. It appears that the prosperity of Pescadoria will continue, and with two new bold leaders at it's helm, with an eye towards acceptance of all animals, Cat or Dog.

At least in the eyes of this reporter, hope will win out the day, and the love and appreciation that Caterdent Kinks showed all of us will not soon be forgotten.

I had to put Kinks down this morning. I feel like I want to die. The pain is unbearable. This is my fault. Had I taken him to the vet a few days ago he'd be alive. I failed my little boy.

Everyone got sick around me this past week...and then I wake up this morning and have trouble breathing...because my tonsils were so fucking enlarged that they were hanging on my tongue...ew...

So yeah I had to call in sick to work on a three day work week and I know if Im able to go to work tomorrow there is going to be a load of shit talking.

And I'm miserable. I never get this sick and I am a baby when I get sick...I WANT A BURRITO! BUT I CANT DRIVE..ugh...need comfort food and anti-biotics...

OMG I just got the news that I missed last night because I went to bed early...

Michael Crichton has died! I fucking loved his books. This guy is a huge inspiration to me. He smartly blended real life research and scientific theories with exciting adventures/thrillers thus bringing these ideas to millions of people who otherwise wouldn't have cared.

As soon as I get home I'm gonna have a drink to him, because he gives me hope that if I can pull it off, people will read Supernova and not only have a riveting time with the action/adventure stuff but also come away from it wanting to learn more about space because of the easter eggs I drop throughout the story.

Today really is a tragedy.


_______________


On another note Prop 102 in Arizona and Prop 8 in California passed. I have a lot of bad feelings about this but first and foremost I want to pass off these bad feelings to any and everyone who has ever guilted me into voting against myself for voting Republican. California passed this. Meaning, if only Republicans voted for it, it wouldn't have passed because more democrats voted there. Meaning Democrats *gasp* are just as bigoted as Republicans.

Newsflash people. Democrats and Republicans of all kinds are shitheads. Cut the bullshit demonizing about either party, candidate, or elected offical, because it does little to get to the heart of the issue.

And sorry if I don't want to celebrate America's getting over it's racism when it reaffirmed that it'll take away the rights from a person AFTER they have been granted.

Fuck you, America. I promise I'm going to get as rich as I can so I can do whatever the fuck I want, fuck whoever I want, and be just so far out of the mainstream and not have anyone touch me.

"I have nothing right now." - Person A

"You have me" - Person B


I'm trying not to read too much into it, but it washed away all the bad thoughts of what's going on right now, if only for a few hours.

So last night started out like a bust, but it had a lot of cool moments.

I at the very last minute managed to toss together a very SPOT ON FUCKING COOL MADE OF AWESOME Spirit Cosplay which I'll be wearing again to Comic-con. I'll ask Steph for the pics to post later, but this is the costume. But just visualize me in it.

http://www.fasthack.com/images/weblog/2008/07/spirit-1.jpg

http://www.toymania.com/news/images/0408_dcd_spirit.jpg

So after running around, we ended up going to my older brother's house and watching The Strangers which scared the holy fuck out of me. I haven't been that scared at a movie in a long time, and they managed to do it without any loud music or cliche scares. I couldn't believe how effective the silence used in the movie was, and by the people totally just fading in from the darkness. I was genuinely scared for most of that movie.

____

So I've been reading up on this NaNosomething or another where you write your ass off. Now I don't think I can write 50,000 words in a month, nor would I want to, but someone posted a link in Terra's journal about NanoMango or whatever where you draw 30 pages in a month. Obviously I don't draw, but I write, so I guess I'll do that. Perhaps I'll double the page count since writing can go quicker than drawing. And I'll focus that on Supernova. So I guess I'm in, if anyone wants to vent with me midway through the month when I'll probably draw a blank lol.

____

I need to talk to Bev about some help on one of my Batman Beyond stories that I am near finishing, like 2-3 pages left and I totally drew a blank since I hated my original ending after thinking about it for awhile. I need some of her own input, because he strengths as a writer would totally suit this stories very horrific and disturbing ending (that I had envisioned as too comic booky).


____

I think that's it for now.

So, I checked Frontier Airlines prices and they totally haven't been jacked up like other airlines, so I can still get a flight now for around 220$ round trip.

So I'm thinking December 25th (Arrive early, before noon) -December 28th (leave late, around 9pm/10pm).

Questions? Thoughts? Concerns? Conflicts of Schedule?

so much that I need to get this down so I can just go to sleep because it's really irking me.

So the past few weeks, I've had a lot of down time to chill and get back into reading, watching, and just immersing myself back into different forms of entertainment and all around fandom stuff. And I don't know if it's because I removed myself from a lot of stuff for so long, but...why does it seem like a lot of the creators of YOUR favorite TV shows/movies/comics/anime just don't seem to try. At all.

What started this was my fascination/curiosity for Stephanie Meyer's Twilight book series, and the intense partisan response to her books that people seem to be falling into. On first glance, I thought her idea was a little shallow and undercooked/thought out. But, then again, I did think that about Harry Potter until I finally gave those a chance. So I fell upon some of her work on the internet and decided to really give it a fair chance and...all I can say is that I don't see what all the hate is about in regards to sparkly vampires.

The real hate should be at her disregard for how she fails to tell a story and at how over the course of four books didn't seem to care about improving her craft. The stagnation in her ideas seems to be an extension of her abilities. It's like she took a few creative writing courses and stopped the learning there. Now I'm not a big proponent of "learning how to write" through school courses, but I can appreciate people caring enough about what they do to dissect why a story works because of the structure, pacing, rising levels of conflict etc etc. And she doesn't seem to care. And by extension, neither did I. The only real emotion I could muster from her writing was how dull and bored I was. I think sparkly vampires and some of the other gimmicks she peppered her series with can work, and wouldn't just be window dressing in another author's work, but her commitment to her ideas ends on the surface.

The second thing that upsets me isn't that people like or even worship that series, but aren't willing to use these books to jump into other people's work in the genre, teen novels, or anything fandom-esque. Because if they did they would see just how exciting and well-written these types of ideas in a capable and imaginative writer's could be. It reminds me of when I got into anime (not even knowing it was called anything at the time) through a series called Ronin Warriors. I loved loved loved the show at the time, and it really was a gateway to other anime and by default manga. And I moved on. It didn't lessen my love for Ronin Warriors, but it's been so long now and I've seen and read so much in that media type that while I still love the show, I can see its flaws.

But it's worrisome when people can't appreciate the flaws in themselves or the things they like. Recognizing those flaws can leads to correcting those mistakes and a potentially better piece of work. Star Wars begat The Empire Strikes Back. Batman Begins begat The Dark Knight. Dragonball begat Dragonball Z <.<.......>.>..... :P

And it seems like the fans aren't the only ones doing this. Creators of some of the most successful shows, comics, movies whatever seem to get caught up in the praise and forget that there is always room for improvement.

Lost...after 4 or 5 seasons STILL doesn't know where it's going. And yes while TV shows and there seasons are episodic in nature, there should still be some CLEAR and EVIDENT preplanned route.

I know that budget concerns and ratings dictate what happens in TV land (the sole reason why Heroes has the same old lame set of powers, and boring characters who hardly ever use them), and the same goes for anything that needs to make money, but you can still work within a set of bounds to create the best thing you can. You don't need 200 million dollars to create a great looking, well acted, well written movie. You don't need 5 seasons x 24 episodes x 1 hour to create an engaging story. Use what you have and change the story to fit. But also know when to end it, to save yourself and your audience the embarrassment of constantly repeating yourself and your mistakes in a series of diminishing returns.

Or if you feel the need to stretch something out forever, evolve the idea. Take it somewhere new.

But ultimately, creators and fans shy away from this. I think on the creators parts laziness and lack of talent are as much to blame just as much as the need to keep the "hit" going for as long as it can, and just trying to recapture lightning in a bottle over and over again. On the fans parts, they want to keep coming back to something familiar. But what they don't realize is that the familiarity they want is a good story with engaging characters. Not character A doing the same thing over and over again, playing out the same scenario with Character B.

So there it is. People suck.

My connection to the world has been corrected. To prevent an overflow of calls to my line, I would ask you to first get in contact with my agent Dr. Bartholomew Kinks III or one of his personal assistants Madame "Mxy" Mxyzptlk or Patrick Boots the Spirit Mahoulighan and schedule a telephonic conference.

Thank you.

PS - Yes...those are in fact the names of my cats...

I don't know if anyone has realized this or not (probably not...) but my phone has been out for a week because my charger got chewed up and my phone is dead until I get money. So if anyone needs to contact me, use my email.

Ok so the past month has been a whirlwind and I'm the verge of exhaustion. Honestly, I've haven't been as forthcoming about just how bad things are and how I really felt about it. I think bits and pieces may have gotten out, but the actual despair I felt was crushing and...not to get too melodramatic, but there weren't many options out of the situation other than maybe killing myself. Now I never considered that, but my mental state has been all over the place and the general thought just kept coming back to me over and over again. Almost like my mind was getting used to the idea.

But I want to reassure everyone. I don't think I ever could, or would. I always remained very focused on my goals, and it would be a fucking tragedy if the world never got to appreciate my writing.

Basically, Ego > Despair. Go figure.

So things in my personal life and professional life pretty much bottomed out and just as it felt like it couldn't get any worse, alot of the work I've been doing and a lot of the preparations I have been making finally all are coming together all at once. It's like the stars are aligning (funny when you consider that being a Libra this is my time of the year...) and things are about to start paying off big time.

I've been looking for a well paying job in the legal field for over a month and everything I went for was pretty much struck down instantly. The only job that looked to be going through, a clerk of the courts position, probably didn't because they contacted one of my references and they gave me a bad reference. Funny enough, it was my aunt, and I'm almost positive it was her doing it to be a vindictive bitch. I love my family.

Anyways, oddly enough, my sister-in-law's new firm (formerly a large firm that literally split into two firms this past month) needed a position filled immediately and she told me to submit my resume. I was considered, but there were HUGE reservations because we are family. So I freaked about the interview and she coached me on some things to say, but it was funny. Because I wasn't going to have to lie. I actually have all the skills necessary, and because I took such an all encompassing job with my parents, I could handle what i would be doing there.

I got the call back last night and was told that I blew everyone out of the water and that what did it was my personality. They felt I would mesh in well with the firm, and that my experience, skills, and education in conjunction with one another were a surprise given my age. Everyone though I was nearing my 30's until they met me and were like...uh...you're a kid. And then they heard me talk.

And to top it off, my arrogance MAY have also helped! One of the questions during the interview was about how quick I could catch them up (they're a month behind on everything) so I could start doing my regular daily duties, and I responded back "how much filing/scanning/etc needs to be done" And the guy who runs the firm makes a motion with his hands gesturing that they have a stack of papers about 3 feet high and I started laughing at him. I instantly thought I had made a mistake until he was like "what you think you can get this done by the end of October." And I was like "I can get that done by next saturday WHILE doing whatever else you throw at me." They were kinda shocked by that kind of forwardness, and the line that I think got me the job was when the guy who owned the firm reminded me that he can be very firm, to the point, and stressed sometimes and that it might rub me the wrong way and if I could handle it, and I deadpanned "I thought you met my father?"

The joke behind this being, in the past he represented my father, and he was notorious in their office for...well acting the way my dad does. Everyone busted up and I would bet a year's pay that that did it!

So yeah, they offered me the job by the end of the day, and the guy who runs the firm passed along the message that he was very impressed with me personally and professionaly, and that I carry myself like someone who's been in the game for years! I almost died!

It's like...I work for my parents for 2 and 1/2 years, holding up the world on my shoulder while doing school full time, managing my own household, and everything else inbetween and not so much as am "I'm proud of you." But I meet these professional attorneys for 30 minutes and they're over the moon for me? It's a nice reaffirmation of how I do feel about myself. Too often I feel like people don't have a real appreciation of how much I do, and how I manage to keep my head and level of excellence the entire time. But these people do. And it felt good.

So what am I going to be doing at this job? Well my first job was working for a law firm and officially I was a File Clerk. I maintained all the files, and occasionally did some light project/research work for the paralegals.

Now...I am pretty much a paralegal-in-training. I'll be doing the REAL legal work. I'll have my hands in anything. I'm basically the Mercy to the lawyers Lex Luthor. Where as before I was like hired schmuch #2. This is priceless. If I was to ever leave this job, my education and my job experience will be able to net me a job at any law firm! And I think just might be what gets me accepted to law school. I may not have extra-circular activies on my resume, but I worked full-time through school...and that work was basically the build-up to an attorney spot without the JD degree. It'll make them take me seriously as a contender. That I really want to do this.

I really do feel like this might be the beginning of an up-swing. Creatively all my juices are flowing and I can't find enough time to write everything in my head, where as before it was a little dry and slow. Professionally I'm starting a new chapter, and going full steam ahead on my own merits. And Personally I am cutting away from my family in regards to the business, which pretty much means a lot of the personal interaction goes with it.

All I need now is someone to fuck love! lol.

more to follow.

But briefly for now, things are on the verge of changing, for the better. For the first time in several years. Perhaps this year was my bottoming out?

and their stupid Spider-man Retcon story "One More Day"

http://community.livejournal.com/scans_daily/6280641.html

I think the ship with the fail line sums it up well in the comments...

Guys! I finally got around to really using my DeviantArt this past week, and uploaded some of my short stories. I'd love for anybody to pop in and give me some criticisms good and bad.

If you're interested here's the link.

http://donotttrust.deviantart.com/

Hey guys, I don't know if I got to say thanks, but it means a lot to me that people I had literally just met (Tex, you obviously don't get included in that one lol) were willing to listen to me ramble on about one of my stories even when I started crying. I can get a little emotional about my writing and it was a big ego boost to know that people who didn't need to lie to me felt a similar emotional tug and that I just might be going in the right direction.

So yeah, thanks alot, I needed it this past weekend.

As for the future, I'm hardly on aim but my aim name is DoNottTrust (surprise surprise), and my deviantart is also DoNottTrust. I know you guys were interested in reading/critiquing my writing, so just pop in here, there, or on AIM and drop me a line.

We need to keep in touch!

"Bonnie Wright (Ginny Weasley in the "Harry Potter" films) says she's lining up playing the lead role of Gemma Doyle in Icon Productions "A Great and Terrible Beauty". Charles Sturridge will write and direct the adaptation..." from DARK HORIZONS.com


What do you think? I know you liked these books right?